IN LOVING MEMORY OF MINIME - PART 3 - MINIME MON AMIE

Almost 1 and a half month have passed since Minime gone away in the arms of an angel – yes time has lessen the hurt when I chose not to think of her because when I do, I feel it all over again – like now. I miss by baby Kitten – she was 6 months when she died – not so little anymore but she was the baby in our family. I missed everything about her, I missed it when she stood at the corner of my wardrobe and looked up to me as I dressed up to go out … I missed it when she jumped into my car and refused to go out when I asked her too…
In the fast lane of my life where things always happened – time does not erased who she was to me – a special bond, the corners where she used to sleep still has her presence - she still lingers … I am the disciplinarian to all my cats and the one cat who needed no discipline, gone.
Mnime, Mama misses you – your squirrel comes to the garden every day and a week after you died – the butterflies came for you.

HIJAB 'N' THE CITY FAN PAGE : https://www.facebook.com/pages/Hijab-n-the-City/108435222576771

LEGASI PEREMPUAN MELAYU PELIK TERAKHIR - PART 1

Terkilas nak cuba menulis dalam bahasa Melayu . Bukan tak mahu sebelum ni … Cuma tak mahu terlalu ‘feeling’. Menulis di dalam bahasa ibunda, perasaan seperti gabungan tulisan yang akhirnya bernyawa. . Pemahaman perkataan berlainan dek kerana dalamnya terasa . Aku yang membesar dengan berceloteh dalam bahasa Inggeris dan Melayu yang di ubahsuai sebagai perkataan harian sehingga kalau bercakap Bahasa Melayu sepenuhnya aku jadi terkedu .

Dan seterusnya aku mengikut gelombang waktu – Bahasa Inggeris adalah bahasa perantaraanku – seperti Sharifah Amani yang insist untuk berucap di dalam Bahasa Inggeris di satu Majlis Anugerah dan mengisytiharkan yang berbahasa Melayu baginya terasa macam orang bodoh. Maka Si Amani ditempelak seantero Tanah Melayu – tidak sedar diri kata mereka. Aku tidak terperanjat kerana aku tahu apa maksud si Amani – dan kurasa kebanyakan kawan-kawan ku juga yang berbahasa Inggeris bagaikan dilahirkan oleh seorang Ibu berbangsa Eropah.

Terperanjat kalian kalau sekiranya tahu – vokabulari Indonesiaku kaya kerana aku boleh membaca tatkala berumur 4 tahun diajar seorang Ibu yang mahu anaknya jadi yang terbijak dan tercantik – dirumahku hanya ada buku sastera Melayu dan Indonesia (kepunyaan ayahku yang belajar untuk mengambil peperiksaan sebagai guru mungkin) – yang kemudiaanya diusung anak kecil 4 tahun kesana kemari sebagai bahan bacaan dek kerana ketagihan ingin membaca. Ibu bapa kampungku bukan seperti sekarang, tiada buku ‘LadyBird’ atau pun mainan canggih seperti punyanya anak-anakku yang tidak menghargai pemberian apapun oleh kerana kemewahan zaman sekarang.

Aku yang menjadi Pelajar Terbaik Bahasa Melayu SRP dahulu kerna kecanggihan bahasaku tetapi noktah disitu. Aku mendirikan dinding disekelilingku yang dikelilingi oleh pelajar terpilih berasrama penuh termasuklah aku. Tapi aku adalah aku – tidak berjaya diacu, tidak jadi di acuan. Kekeliruan semasa remaja tidak membawa semangat untuk menjadi best student subjek lain walaupun aku mampu. Kerna kufikir, aku hanya akan dihargai sekiranya aku bijak dan cantik. Dan aku tidak mahu memenuhi expektasi sosaiti sekeliling. Jadi aku membesar merasakan aku tidak bijak dan tidak cantik. Aku memilih untuk diam dan mengobservasi kelilingku. Bukan kah aku dicop pendiam semasa remajaku? Kualiti yang nyata senang dibuli rakan angkuh yang merasakan mereka ada kelebihan atau pun berdna ‘perasan bagus’ dari lahir.

Nyata aku terpanggil untuk mengimbas zaman remaja silamku bilamana hari ni aku ‘block’ seorang gadis muda dari rakan FB - kukira umurnya kurang 25 tahun walaupun tahunnya dirahsiakan. (Masih muda tapi mahu merahsiakan umur? Ku kirakan aku mempunyai lebih sebab untuk merahsiakan umurku yang ‘kurang muda’ - di muka FBnya penuh dengan kutukan tentang mereka yang tanpa tudung , dan yang bertudung pula dikutuk tidak memenuhi syariat ? Perlukah semua itu untuk menggunakan ugama sebagai brand anda adalah yang terbaik? Siapa jurinya? Hakimnya? Apa kamu? Gadis hingusan yang belum punya atau tahu apa-apa? Perlu takbur dengan hidupmu yang belum merasa sengsara kerna ujian dilakukan oleh Allah keatas setiap hambanya. Orang yang bertudung dari umur 2 tahun mungkin akan keneraka dan Lady Gaga mungkin berubah berjilbab jika dibuka pintu hatinya… ‘Kun Fayakun’ jadilah – kuasa tuhan yang engkau ingat boleh dirubah.

Sakit kepala membaca nukilan sombong dan angkuhnya dan kutukan demi kutukan keatas mereka yang bertudung tetapi tidak mengikut kualiti SIRIM mungkin. Wahai adik, ada caranya menegur – tugas kamu untuk berdakwah dengan cara halus dan lemah lembut – selembut Rasullullah berbisik ketelinga Aishah – bukan mengutuk atau memulau. Jadi enggak mahu aku bersubahat dan mengiakan logikmu. Kakak ‘block’ saja ya FB mu.

Aku tidak pernah berbangga kerana lambat berhijab, tapi aku akan merasa hina jika megikut tanpa kefahaman atau membuta tuli mengikut kata mereka yang hipokrit dan menggunakan Tuhan untuk kelihatan pandai. Adakah aku perlu akur kepada sang lelaki kalau kufur disebalik keturunan Islamnya. Adakah aku perlu bergabung dengan mereka yang bertudung tapi masih menikam saudara seagamanya.
Aku masih tidak muat di acuan standard ‘SIRIM’ . Cuma perbezaannya – aku bukan lagi gadis pendiam zaman silam dan tidak bisa dibuli sesiapa - Kejayaan bagiku bukan hanya pangkat dan harta tetapi lebih dari itu.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR PANG YAU!!

I used to see this Chinese Auntie every Saturday midnight – if I did go out for the midnight food distribution. Being a non-paid PR /Publicity/Event/Food Sponsor Director (the list go on to ‘kuli’ and ‘bidan terjun’ for emergency and if needed) – I have a choice not to be on the streets as we have our own dedicated non-paid ‘Food Run Leader’(as they are called) every single day. This is the time when I admire my husband Pete for never missing a beat on his duties as the Operation Director/ Run Leader both for Saturday 5.30pm and 12 midnight food distribution, every single week. Believe me, it could be so tiring and exhausted mentally and physically.

Back to this Chinese Auntie, she always waited around for our food at AlWira Restaurant – very quiet lady , don’t speak much and not chatty unlike some Saturday’s afternoon aunties who not only chatty but always asked for more and more and more (and it could really creep down on your nerves).

Today, we shared table as all tables were full, the auntie wanted to leave but I said stay, talk to me. So I am in the mood to be ‘kepoh’. (There are times, street feedings can make me highly strung as being an ‘Energy Master’ as what my students called me – I can read and feel people’s energy) – that’s why I stayed away when I have to.

So ok! Auntie and me talking bla bla and she told me she is 65 years old, all her siblings died, never married before and have worked in many places as domestic helper, confinement lady, factories, restaurants etc. Now she is old and she just does odd jobs here and there.( I am a Counsellor, I can always make people talk hehe!) I asked Auntie if she wanted ‘Teh Tarik’ – she politely said ‘No, thank you!’. I said “Never mind la, I pay!” and she smiled and nodded.

By then, some volunteers already turned up and huddled around our table. Auntie quietly moved away and I asked the Restaurant ‘Ane’ to send the ‘teh tarik’ to her.
As we prepared to go to do our food midnight run and Peter went to Cashier to pay our drinks , he found out all our drinks(plus the other few volunteers) have been paid by the Chinese Auntie! ‘Huh??’ I thought?
I went to her and asked her in my chinglish “aiyaa auntie why u pay aa?? You should keep your money maa??”
She answered me with a thankful look “Takpa la, you olang manyak baik, tiap-tiap minggu malam-malam datang kasi makan, saya hati manyak sayang …duit kalau takda manyak pun saya tak kira, saya kongsi”
(Translation: “It’s ok, all of you are nice people, every week, midnight you come and give me food, I feel very touch, I don’t have much money but I don’t mind sharing”)
I feel touched too. There were times when things were difficult and you just have to grit your teeth and moved on but those moments were erased by this sort of simple thing – that what we do in Reach Out boomerang and sometimes it is so fast!

My mom used to tell her friendS ‘My daughter, semua kawan dia Cina! That was because I lived in Hong Kong, mak! and when I went to Stamford College pun semua classmates Cina jugak! But because of that I grew strong and competed against the odd and the best! My Chinese friends did not judge me for being a ‘Melayu Pelik!’.
This is dedicated to my Chinese friends who are and were so much a part of me and contributed to who I am at one point of life or another, Happy Dragon Year !! Dragon is my favourite animal and I do not look at you guys as a race! I look at you as people with good human qualities and Im glad you are part of my life!

This article is dedicated to Teh Li June – my dearest friend from College and all those hopes and tears we shared – you and I are stuck as good friends for the rest of our lives, Elaine – we had fun being naughty in College, Mrs Chia who adopted me as her favourite student in Bintang Academy! Kymberley Tan – my dearest friend who kept me sane in Hong Kong, her sister Evelyn Tan for being sweet always! (You both made my years in Hong Kong bearable), Alice Nathan – my flatmate in Hong Kong, I never see you differently and I hope we will be friends again! Master Albert Eee – My Feng Shui Master who were there during my darker days and who later taught me Numerology – Thank you and it is time for me to move on. Dexter – whom I can always called to chat during those restless days. The late Shereen Leow – Who died at the hand of a violent boyfriend , I am sorry I wasn’t able to influence you to be strong and leave the bastard!

To my 2 Chinese housemates in Budapest, Hungary ! Hope you guys are having a good life now. Patricia, I remembered when I have to drag you out from a Club in Budapest because you were pissed drunk!!
Feung – you are always remembered as someone sweet and I miss our days with Janet at Master’s place in Kota Damansara. You accepted me as I am – the soul seeker!  .

To Wong Hee Ling my business partner in Nuskin - Long Benefit Malaysia currently – I stay because of your value ! All the other Chinese Business Partners in Long Benefit Malaysia – you guys rock!! Mrs Vera Waters and Benny Cheung (Business Partners and Uplines from Nuskin Long Benefit Hong Kong) – both your passion sustain me in the business !

Patricia Lum, our sweet Mentor who are also our Advisor in Reach Out’s operations!

And last but not least, our Chinese Volunteers in Reach Out Malaysia , thank you for being a part of us! You guys make Reach Out truly One Malaysia and not to forget all the other races too!

This video is dedicate to you guys !! All of you – each one of my Chinese Friends on FB ! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR !! GONG XI FA CHAI!! MAY ALL OF YOU BE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING ALWAYS !!


朋友 (Pang Yau - Friend of Mine) - Alan Tam Wing Lun (譚詠麟)

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MINIME - June 2011 - 30/12/2011 - part 2

Caption: Minime with Pete when she was a month :)


Today is the first day of the year 2012. A brand new day. For me, today is the 2nd day that Minime did not wait for me infront of my bedroom to follow me to the kitchen for her breakfast. Usually she would be there with Spikey. What happened normally, she would run to Pete who would still be sleeping. Jumped in into our bed, snuggled to him and jumped back out to follow me down.

I woke up quite early after a sleepless night and opened the bedroom door. Only Spikey was there. I sat on top of the stairs and looked out through the glass window – I could see the hilly road where Minime was killed and not far from there, where she was buried. I sat awhile and indulged in the grieving moment – my body still sore from maintaining my composure during the Reach Out Event yesterday.

I went down and opened the side sliding door, a rush of fresh air came through and let out all the remaining 4 cats to the garden and almost wished Minime would rushed out to the garden as well. The other cats seemed to know, they were quiet and not their normal selves. I came out to the corridor overlooking the garden and sat there a long time. My ears deafening, my body was numbed. I processed my thoughts. Where could she be now and made a silent request to God if he would allow Minime to sit at the feet of his angels so she wouldn’t feel alone and not missed us that much.

It hurts to see Minime’s empty bowl beside Spikey – had the urged to put her favourite fish but decided not to be a psycho . I am still sane, don’t worry. I don’t need anyone’s approval to grief and no she wasn’t just a cat. She was one of us. She was family.

Naomi put a sign on a tree she made yesterday to ask everybody to slow down . I saw cars slowed down to read her plea and grief – so many beloved dogs and cats killed on that road and no speed bumps. I hope some of our neighbours who lived on top of the hill will slow down from now on. Innaz went to her grave and beautify it with flowers. Pete, my tough husband who had done dangerous jobs heading Police Force in Scotland and Hong Kong too put his head down and cried in silence. In our household , all living beings are loved equally.

There’s wind, butterflies, birds and hills where we stayed - just how Minime liked it. If you don’t mind God, please let her be in your garden more beautiful than what she used to have with Spikey – her surrogate cat brother who helped to raise an orphan kitten. Who taught Minime how to catch butterflies and lizards. Please let your angel watched over her.

The wind still blowing as I weep. I know this too will pass but for now, let me remember …

IN LOVING MEMORY OF MINIME - June 2011 - 30/12/2011

Whenever I looked at Minime before, it reminded me of love, pure, innocence, joy and the list go on. She was like this magic furball - she just have to be infront of you and all your stress would disappear. She was different from any cats we rescued.

We found Minime dead today – She was’ hit and run’ by a car at the back of our house. I grief like never before. I just want to grief. For I would not see her again. It was the last meal she had yesterday morning that I gave her. She was our family’s little baby. She didn’t do things to annoy us. She didn’t meow but made a cute little sound. She followed everybody everywhere !! The World was okay with Minime around.

God lend her to us for 6 joyful months and took her back yesterday. I did not ask God why? I just thought how happy she has made me and Pete and Naomi and Innaz. I just thought how loved she was. How happy she was with us.

Minime was different . She was like a little angel who couldn’t do wrong. She loved us well too and she made us loved her very much. Even all our 4 older cats loved her to bits. Spikey especially because we named Minime after Spikey – his Minime.

Minime was buried this afternoon. Her body was dumped at the side of the road by some heartless bastard who sped up ! Housing area is not a place to speed up. I hope Minime wont be cold and lonely outside. I hope God has put her in a nice place for nice little cats.
REST MY LITTLE MINIME – ALLOW ME TO GRIEF ...

IN THE ARMS OF AN ANGEL, FLY AWAY FROM HERE ... :)

TODAY I WAS TESTED!

I was tested today and I shocked myself. I hate rudeness - people who have no manners and greedy! Sometimes we encountered these people on the streets during our homeless food distribution. Not many of them but there are, nevertheless. For 4 years I have managed not to stumble upon them but today I was tested! I made a point to be at the 5.30pm food distribution at Klang Bus Stand today to greet my friend Angeline and her team from Maybank who were on their CSR program.
( Refer to our work at www.reachoutmy.wordpress.com )

Things were smooth in the beginning but then one chinese auntie started to shout rudely because she wanted to change her nasi lemak ayam to a better one (when they were all the same) and went on and on . ('kiasu' at work definitely!) I lose the plot, screamed back and put her in her place - I was shivering with anger. And for a moment - I went through flashes of moments that I have sacrificed to do this work! For a split second, I asked myself "Is this worth it?". I was tested just before that with 2 young Malay guys who carried Iphone with some stylish hairstyles but have the cheeks to tell me they were jobless and homeless and argued with our volunteers. Grrrrrr!!!!

I went quiet the whole journey home and kept quiet still at home to reminisce the pain I have gone through to make REACH OUT happened ! Satan has whispered to me, has sent his soldiers to discouraged me. I have forgotten the joy, forgotten what I saw on people's faces that we have helped all these years, the wonderful and kind people who are working with us and helped us in many ways. For a while I have forgotten why I do the things I do. Not for me but for what God has entrusted me.

Our street friends have many personalities just like the rest of us. They are human too! No difference! Some are kind, generous, cheaters, liars, drunkards, humble etc - they all have stories to tell but I am not here to judge them. One crazy auntie and two cheeky guys shouldn't be allowed to take my peace away. I pray silently for a bit more doses of calmness and drifted to my moment of silent.

MAKCIK ANI NASI LEMAK AYAM.

"MAKCIK ANI INFRONT OF HER RESTAURANT - 'SELERA KAYU ARA'" - yummy good food!

HELLO FELLOW BLOGGERS! LONG TIME NO SEE!

Hi friends ! It has been months since I blogged . I have been writing in my head, playing many events and hoping to blog a story but I have too many things to do, and too little time!

And I did miss blogging but well, something happened in July that needed my attention fully, I have to play a part in an evolution and operation for REACH OUT MALAYSIA - refer to www.reachoutmy.wordpress.com (That's another story but today I want to talk about Makcik Ani - my nasi lemak makcik - the supplier of Nasi Lemak Ayam for Reach Out Malaysia. I felt very strong to write about her...

Oww!! my body's aching! I havent been teaching yoga for quite awhile and my stunt of a perfect shoulder stand infront of my students today has left me feeling like as if my bones were cursing to say - "You have not been discipline! now look what happen!" But as an experienced yoga teacher I have master my body to be my servant and command a perfect composure regardless how crappy I felt! (Roswidah, If you are reading this, I sure have fooled you just now hehe :))

Back to Makcik Ani, she cooked one hell of a nasi lemak, very prompt, discipline and can always be counted upon whenever I needed to buy nasi lemak ayam for the homeless. I always observed the way she does her work - She is calm and collected. She speaks in a single tone, nothing could surprise her and me being the energy reader, is fascinated by her. As I grew older and wiser - I become fussy about people around me - especially those who are doing business with me, be it students, suppliers, volunteers - I watched closely for negative energy and would not compromise. I believe, you are judged by your associates and if business is done with god-fearing individuals, you can find a lot of peace and trust in any dealings.

Each time I met makcik Ani, I would learn a little about her. She is originally from Acheh and has been here with her family for 30 years. I know she worked hard. She owned a simple restaurant in Kampung Sungai Kayu Ara, near uptown. She told me that whenever she made extra money she would help to fund some orphans in her Kampung in Acheh and helped their mothers - she felt she is blessed with her good fortune and her rezqi in Malaysia - (Something I thought a lot of Rakyat Malaysia should learn from - to be grateful to our country and to be the best we can be).

She has been missing for a few weeks so the nasi lemak supplies has been cooked by her Assistant (which is not quite the same, I think! ) - her assistant also informed that makcik Ani's mom passed away hence her absence from her Restaurant. I called her hp today and a familiar voice answered! Makcik ani is back! So I ordered the usual 250 nasi lemak ayam for Saturday's food distribution. Before I opened my mouth to ask about her mom passing, she blurted out (and so unlike her) (This is the point where I wrongly pressed something and lost a whole chunk of writing aaaagghhhh! now I have to rewrite this part!!) Ok I hope it will be as dramatic as the first one.

She blurted out that she just came back from her kampung and her mom passed away while she was there. She went on to tell the story that she came home for her younger sister who has lost her husband and pregnant at the same time and later lose the baby as well. Her mom wasnt sick or anything but as Makcik Ani prepared to go back to KL, her mom stopped her and requested for her to stay awhile because she said it was time for her to go! (huh?? Wow I thought!) To cut the story short, Makcik Ani's mom died while doing zikir with her children and just slowly drifted away as if she was smiling and sleeping at the same time ... what a blessing it must be for everybody in her family. I got to know that even her dad passed away that way! It was also the norm for her and family to read Quran together as part of their routine.


How simple life is for Makcik Ani and family, She did the best she could for her and her family. These people are so simple that they don't seem to miss anything the way normal people do. Some of us who have such a competitive personality , spent most of their lives justifying why they do the things they do. Some of us who pretend a lot spend all their life convincing that they are someone else other than themselves. Some of us who are too coward to stand up to the truth and justice, give reasons that it is none of their business. Such a lame world and such a lame excuse not to be the best we can be or operating from the truth of life.

We are all tested in so many ways - but I do believe, that the one thing we are all striving for is to find peace within ourselves and may not achieved it, if it is based by anything other than God's standard! And if only we know, how the chain of energy work in this universe and how it will cause a karmic effect in so many ways - no one will dare to compromise the truth.

I learned something today which is, if I were to go from this world, I want to be as sure as Makcik Ani's mom who have everything simple in her life but have made such a great impact to her children. I too want to recite Quran as regular as I can so I may die reciting it.

Today I feel small in God's greatness who allow me to learn this - me who have made many mistakes a thousand times and am still blessed in many ways.

At the end of the day, isnt what we look forward to is to find peace within ourselves and to die and meet God, the way Makcik Ani's Mom met her Creator. In readiness. subhanallah.

I know with Makcik Ani supplying nasi lemak ayam to Reach Out Malaysia to feed the homeless, we will share her pureness too. Maybe that was why God allowed our 5000 nasi lemak ayam campaign succeeded to 6000 in numbers last month?? Wallahuaklam. Keep me strong Allah for I am just a small being in your great kingdom.